School Daze

We've been busy learning and growing and changing around here. Homeschooling Ella this year has been challenging and rewarding, and I'm either so happy we chose to do it, or wondering what the flip I was thinking. Doesn't seem to be a middle ground, either a great day or a terrible, awful, no-good day. Luckily the good out weighs the bad by a decent ratio! Charlie doesn't cry and chase after me now on his morning at Pre-K, thank the Lord for that, don't think my heart could take it. Dawson on the other hand still cries from Wed-Thur about his one day at NWC Homeschool Link. The other day Todd said to me in a tone of defeat "he's going to live with us forever, isn't he..." I often hear through tears "well you must want to be away from me and don't even care about me anymore if you would just drop me off at school and leave me there, all day!!" Ella  on the other hand is adjusting really well I think, especially when I'm able to add field trips with other kiddos, or play dates with her sweet girls from NWC to give her a boost. For a social butterfly Mothra, I've been pleasantly surprised at how well she has settled in. When people ask me about homeschooling, I always say the best part is that I'm with my kids all the time, and the hardest part is that I'm with my kids all the time. It is a blessing and such a joy to be in their constant company, and can also be what does me in. It feels like the movie Groundhog's Day around here, every day is made up of the same stuff. Oh how I would be on cloud nine if the day ever included a massage, a pedicure, a date for a yummy coffee and piece of pie, a fancy lunch at Luna. But I know in my heart that home is where I belong, and where I deeply desire to be. My soul would ache if I had to be away from them, it's just that sometimes I want to be away from them;) I think at times I get bogged down  in what seems to be endless, pointless, and thankless work around here. And homeschooling two grades requires an incredible amount of dedication and time, so my usual work gets crammed into a smaller window of time. Amazing how something you choose and want can still be so hard! Like parenting in general! Here's a very raw exerpt from some journaling I did in September. Let's just say no one can accuse me of not being real;)

Today was one of those days. By that I mean an epic failure, a day that reminds me how easily and often I screw up and how I am basically a hot mess. I have these mountain-top moments where I think "wow, you know I think I'm finally getting it!" just in time to roll end over end down the mountain, crashiing into a pathetic pile at the bottom.

I yelled too much.

The kids sassed and whined too much.

When they sassed and whined, I snapped back.

Took the kids to the park for "recess" and checked instagram when I should've been pushing them on the swing.

I haven't read my Bible all week.

Todd made a comment along the lines of "so are you going to can all those extra tomatoes {from the garden}?" and I snarled some sarcastic remark at him about how I planted the garden, weed the garden, cook with the food from the garden and that with all my extra time, I'll can the leftovers. Of course while dressed in a sexy nightie and baking oatmeal cookies at the same time. Because canning 3 kinds of jam isn't enough for a busy Mom?! Yeah, I'm a great wife.

I'm supposed to be studying for some training at the iChoice clinic and I've put it off yet another day. Only I don't have yet another day up my sleeve, it's supposed to be done tomorrow. And speaking of that, how annoying is it that I worked my *%# off getting straight A's in nursing school and now I can barely use my degree. And when I do, it just compounds the stress around here.

I have 3 loads of clean laundry on my bed, our bathroom floor is fuzzy, and there's a mason jar of dead flowers on the table.

The chickens need water but I'm so friggin busy with the humans around here that I'm not sure when I'll get to that. Probably at 10 o'clock tonight. And the girls should feel lucky since they'll get fresh water before I even get a chance to shower for the day.

I'm grumpy, and my plan to be "ruthlessly optimistic" went out the window when I scrubbed pee off the kid's bathroom floor and picked dried food out of their sink from them brushing their teeth. For like the zillionth time in Mommy history.

I feel all squished into my jean shorts because of my muffin top, but I love chocolate chip cookies and Coke and chips, and I hate the dumb ellipti-kill machine. I used to run outside but now I'd have to do it at night because I have 4 kids with me all day. But at night I'm afraid of weirdos that will shove me into their van and dump me in the woods. 

Now I'm annoyed with myself and frustrated that I have these days when I don't even enjoy or appreciate the life that I am so lucky to have. 

No judgement here. If a chicken suit helps you do your math, so be it.

Ella making home made wings from the feathers she found in the yard.

Dawson's soil and sediment experiment. Love his little lips as he's carefully journaling his findings.

I surprised the kids with a very MeRrY UNbirthday party. I was Mom of the Year for about 12 minutes.  

Learning about pollen and plant reproduction. My beautiful roses made for free supplies.

1st day of no-tears for Charlie. How did these babies get here so fast?

Hours of fun with static electricity.

Recess!

Ella wanted to do school work on a WEEKEND night. Holy erasers, stop the presses, this is a real life miracle.

Homeschool Skate Day at Pattison's. I spent 2 hours holding the twins and used 5 dollars in change to keep them entertained so Dawson and Ella could stay and skate.

My dining room between 9 and 2 pm.

A tame version of the living room between 9 and 2 pm.

An example of the weird stuff the twins do while I'm teaching the Bigs. Apparently they got string, taped it to a tissue box, climbed on the coffee table and hoisted it onto the light fixture? Ay yi yi.

My favorite part of the day, listening to Dawson read.

"Traveling" through Mexico...

Making pinatas at 7 pm.

Stuffing our pinatas...

Mexican sodas and taco night. The kids really liked learning about Mexico;)

Getting after those carefully made and carefully stuffed pinatas. Missing a picture of Charlie because he whacked it to dust before I got my phone on.

Dawson my little Cub Scout.

Mrs. Sue switches the seating arrangement daily, but she sweetly always puts Charlie next to Mitchy because he "needs him."

Grammar assignment was to write a letter. Ella wanted to write to President Obama, love this girl and her big dreams and big heart.

The twins 1st art project at Pre-K. I ADORE it and will forever. Love how they chose, cut and glued their hair on.

Lashes and lisps. His reading melts my heart.

 Ella and Dawson's birds from "art class." I am not much of an art teacher but the curriculum is really fun and Dawson, who said "art terrifies me" last year, loves it.

 Ella's Land of Digestion theme park for anatomy.

When we have a little extra time the kids love the Little Free Library at the neighbor's house! As if the 50 books we have at the house from the county library aren't enough.