"When I am afraid, I will trust in You." Psalm 56:3

Charlie wound up in the ER on Tuesday night for respiratory distress. It all happened really fast and I still catch myself daydreaming about it and trying to settle it all in my mind.
Ella came down with a cough about 2 weeks ago, she never missed a beat and a cough was all there was to it. No fever, or runny nose, or lack of appetite or energy;) So when Charlie started with a tickly cough here and there Tuesday, I didn't think anything of it. I was just glad that if he did get the same thing as Ella, at least it was just a cough...I took the big kids to the dentist that afternoon. I tag-teamed with Todd, so he stayed with the twins. When I got home and walked in the door Todd said "Charlie really took a turn, he's really sick." He had a fever and stridor and was wheezing so badly that I was shocked. Todd had given him Tylenol and had just bundled him up and taken him out in the cool air and it didn't help at all. I knew not to give him anything that would dry him up, like a cough or cold med, so there was nothing else I could do for him. I had dinner pretty much prepared because I knew we'd be home kinda late from the dentist. So I called the nurse's service at SHMC {our pediatrician's office had just closed not even an hour earlier}. They take your info and then call you back. I threw the rest of dinner together in about 10 minutes and dished everybody up while I waited for a call. Then I went upstairs to get some stuff together. I told Todd I had a bad feeling we'd be heading to the hospital at some point, so I wanted to be ready. I changed into comfies, grabbed jammies and slippers for Charlie and headed downstairs. His breathing had declined even more within just a few minutes, so I thought forget this, I'm not waiting around anymore, and I grabbed him and we put him in the car right then. I couldn't believe how quickly he was going downhill, and I knew that was a bad sign, I was so scared. Anyone with a medical background knows that the knowledge you have of what can go wrong is sometimes your worst enemy. All I could think was "this is epiglottitis..." It was dark, about 5:50 pm and I had originally planned to go to SHMC because of their pediatric emergency care, but I called Todd about 10 minutes down the road and told him I didn't think we'd make it that far, I needed to go to the closest place. So just then the nurse returns my call and she said to get to the hospital right away, I told her I was already on my way and she said she'd call ahead. I was so terrified driving in the dark, by myself, with this sick, sick baby in the car that I couldn't help, or comfort, or fix. I layed his jacket over him and rolled down the windows, and I am 100% convinced that the freezing cold air coming in while we were driving kept his airways open just enough. We got half way down Francis and I thought I was going to have to call 911 to have an ambulance meet me somewhere, he was that bad. He was drooling and making spit bubbles, his eyes were rolling back, it was AWFUL. Even writing this and re-living it is making me really emotional, it makes me sick to my stomach. I had what I call a "come to Jesus" moment ~ I knew that I couldn't make this better and that I needed God's strength, His protection, His peace, and most of all I just begged Him, out loud, to watch over my Charlie. I knew that every minute counted and I was so desperate to help him, but it was out of my control. I was so worried I'd get pulled over for speeding because I knew it would slow me down to have to stop, but part of me wanted to so I could tell them to help us. It was the most terrifying thing I've ever gone through. I made it to the ER and even though there was a room full of people waiting, they took Charlie back first, thank God. My sister is the only person I called on the way at what seemed like the 15th red light, she was in town taking her kids to youth group so she met me there just after I arrived. I am so grateful for her calming presence, just knowing we were somewhere safe where Charlie could get help, and that I wasn't alone, was like a ton of bricks being lifted off my shoulders. They gave him racemic epinephrine, decadron {steroid}, motrin and acetaminophen, and a vaporizer. They did a chest x-ray and tested him for RSV. He was such a good boy, he was so sick he just didn't care. I know he was scared but he had to put such an incredible amount of energy into trying to breathe that he didn't have any fight in him. His chest was retracting so severely, it was hard to not lose my mind watching him, and feeling him struggle against my chest. Having Steph there to distract me was my saving grace. My sister had to leave about an hour and a half later to get her kids. So I just waited for him to get better. Not too long after she left, the nurse came in and said that the doctor had wanted an update on Charlie. She said "I told him that to be honest, he's really bad still and not improving like he should." So they sent down respiratory therapy again and according to the doctor, if this didn't do it, we'd be admitted. The respiratory therapist was great and had been trying to lighten the mood with me and my sister earlier. He came in and said "I was shocked they paged me again for Charlie. I hardly ever have to repeat this treatment." So they had to give him epinephrine again as well as another nebulizer. Poor Charlie was so exhausted but the meds were making him jittery. But finally he got some real relief after that 2nd round. They decided to let us go home about 4 1/2 hours after we got there. All of the staff kept saying "that was one sick little boy..." They gave him a teddy bear which was so sweet, and we were discharged. What a different feeling walking out of the ER, it was so good to make that drive home knowing he'd be okay. But little did I know how much he'd struggle through the night. He slept beside us of course, and Todd and I were shocked how much he was still retracting and wheezing after all those medications. I didn't sleep a wink. And bless his heart, he kept crying {trying to, his airway was so narrow still that he could hardly talk or cry} off and on all night that his little penis hurt. He wound up not being able to urinate for about 14 hours because the effects of all the medication, and that's what was making him hurt down there. The steroids are supposed to last in their system for 2-3 days, but the ER doc wanted him to be seen the next day, so after a visit to his pediatrician's office, he was put on even more steroids. I was scheduled to be at Life Services 2 nights later and it was so hard to leave him. He seemed so fragile to me and I felt sort of a desperate need to be with him and watch over him. Last night he finally slept through the night, and in his own little bed, after being glued to me night and day for 4 days.

So Charlie is better, but I'm scarred for life. Ella's teacher called to check on him and we were talking about how fragile life is, how it can all change in a moment. Her 6th grader just went through a similar situation and was in the ER, it was comforting to talk to a Mom who could relate to how scary it is when your child can't breathe. There are emergent situations that can have terrible outcomes, but if you can't breathe, you will die and it isn't a wait and see situation, or hoping for the best. You need air to live! I've seen kids during ER rotations come in for croup and never, ever seen a child in this much distress, so part of me needed to know if I did "ok." Did I do a good job as a Mom, is there something more I could've done? What should I do if the same thing ever happens again? Did I over-react, or not react quick enough? But after reading up on croup from a well-known pediatrician, I think we did pretty good. Everything Charlie was doing was listed in the category that required emergency treatment. Many of us have had, or seen, a croupy kid. Ella had that seal-like, miserable barky cough with a fever once as a toddler, but all the home remedies helped her and we were never scared for her life. Charlie's symptoms were exactly what they describe as thee worst. I think if I'd left the house any later it would've been by ambulance. At the end of this doctor's description he says "If your child's croup is severe enough (which is why you're in the ER), they may give him Epinephrine to breathe with the cool mist. This works quickly to open the airways. Depending on the situation, the ER physician may recommend a short course of steroids." Charlie had to have this, TWICE. And all I can say is thank you Lord for watching over our sweet boy. Charlie, as much as you are so deeply mine, you don't truly belong to me, you are His. This is the bittersweet reality of motherhood.

"Yet you brought me out of the womb; you made me trust in you even at my mother's breast. From birth I was cast upon you, from my mother's womb you have been my God." Psalm 22:9-10

This is Charlie on Thursday, carrying his bear from the hospital and his favorite movie "It's a Meaningful Life." He liked getting TV priveleges on a weekday, one benefit of being sick:)

These are a few of my favorite things...healthy edition

So it's no secret that I love my treats, but we really do eat well around here. I just like to add my indulgences on top of our healthy meals;)  So here is a list of some of our favorite snacks these days. And I'm lucky because my kids drink V8 with lunch and ask for slices of raw onion when I'm cooking, but these snacks should make even a picky eater happy. I love getting ideas from other people, we get bored then I wind up spending money on something new only to discover that no one likes it. Who wants to spend 5 bucks on a bag of organic vegie chips and then wind up throwing them in the trash because they taste like cardboard?! Here are some tried and true snacks that are Ruff-approved, for what that's worth.

Stonyfield Organic has Yo Kids Squeezers, we love them. It's like an organic, low sugar version of Gogurts and it doesn't have all the crazy dye in it. I freeze them and we ate them all Summer as popsicles, and they are great for school lunch because by lunch time, they've defrosted some but are super cold and yummy. They have mixed berry, cherry and strawberry. They're all good but we like mixed berry best.

I am obsessed with Emerald Salt and Pepper Cashews. They are the perfect mix of salty and slightly sweet, with a little bit of spice.

TLC/Kashi Pumpkin Spice & Flax crunchy granola bars are divine with morning coffee {Todd} or for me and the kids, with milk {or occasionally hot chocolate...}

Clif Bar makes Clif Kid organic fruit ropes, these little suckers are addicting. We love the mixed berry, they're kinda sour and are a full serving of fruit minus the washing, peeling and slicing:)

These San Pellegrino drinks are delish. The lemon is my favorite because it's sour, but Todd and the kids like orange. It's a must-have warm weather drink because it's so refreshing. But rain, snow or shine, they're super yummy. We get them at Costco and it comes in a mixed pack so everyone's happy.

Dave's Killer Bread. My sister introduced us to this about a year ago and we absolutely love it. An ex-con who spent 15 years in the slammer turned his life around and became an organic bread-maker. Who knew?! We love the 21 grain the best, and is cheapest at Costco.

Happy Snacking!

#@*!%

I never really thought I'd hear the "F" word from one of my kids, at least not so young...

This sweet, innocent boy says you-know-what instead of "yuck". And I haven't gotten used to hearing F-bombs drop at random times throughout the day, it still makes my head turn every time! It's awful because I'll say "Mitchy, say 'yuck' just so Todd and I can laugh at him, just terrible. So I will have to pay special attention not to show him something gross or give him something he doesn't like to eat in public. If you hear "#@&*!" from a little kid down the aisle at Target, or Rosauers, or at the park, it's probably my son. I apologize in advance.

Camp-Out with the Crazies

I'm sorry my posts have been so boring lately. But I want to get through these Summer pictures before Christmas! So even though I don't have anything interesting or exciting to say, I'm posting anyway because it may be years before I have something interesting or exciting to say.
We camped out with the kids in the yard again this Summer. We start off by setting up the tent early in the day so the kids can have fun playing in it, then for dinner we do a fire with hot dogs and s'mores for the whole gang, then we wait until the Littles go to bed and take the Bigs outside to "sleep" {this technically never happens}. The plan was to watch for falling stars, but the kids were being so SiLLy {the word obnoxious comes to mind, but silly sounds nicer} that we didn't see a single blasted one. They were too busy climbing on us to see any, and we were too busy being climbed on to see any. Sometimes I worry that when we take the kids camping in the woods that they'll be eaten by a bear or cougar, but honestly, I don't think a wild animal with any sense at all would come within a hundred yards of these kids, they are so stinking loud. Who needs a gun when you have obnoxious kids as protection? So we snacked and then finally convinced them it was time to go into the tent and go nighnight. I always wind up going back in the house anyway so I can hear the babies, but Dawson followed me in at about 11:30, Todd and Ella made it a few more hours until their their toes froze.
I tried to snap pictures without the flash, but for the photo to turn out when it's dark the subject has to sit still. I'll give you one wild guess how well that worked out. But even though some of them are blurry I had to include them, Dawson's expressions crack me up.

Dawson is working up a good whine here, he wants his toy back, now...

Charlie will take care of that whining sound

 

 

 

Fake sleep was the only sleep to be had. Ella is terrible at fake sleeping

Sigh...I miss Summer already.

Water Babies

Our big pool died last year, which was kind of nice in a way because even with a fence and lock, it always freaked me out to have it with the kids around. So we had fun with the Slip & Slide {or is it Slippin' Slide?...}, sprinklers, and the little pool. I LOVE to be in the water, and Ella does too but maybe not to the extent I was as a kid. I spent every waking hour of the summer at Pan Hot Springs with my sister and cousins. But I think we finally have a Ruffling that is half fish ~ Charlie. I've never really thought we'd have a child that would jump off the side of the pool, or go under water {on purpose} at barely 2, but Charlie is that child. Holy Moly, he has no fear, which is not a good thing if you ask me. So any time the pool was out I had to literally be in it, I would pull up a chair and put my feet in so that I could be in arms reach of this crazy nut. He would jump in, dive in, go under water, swirl, splash, back float....Then I would immediately drain it. It was kind of frustrating for Ella because if I had to run in the house to make dinner or finish some other project up, I had to empty it so Charlie McFish wouldn't go in alone. Charlie also discovered that if he drug the wiggly worm sprinkler over to the blanket where Daddy was relaxing and sprayed him, that he could get a pretty spectacular reaction;) Mitchy and Dawson had to be coaxed in, they preferred to just take a short dip when they got too hot digging ditches with their shovels or if they needed a little break from driving the Gator. Sissies!

The End!