Sweet Aunt Suzanne

I've been wanting to write about this for a few weeks but I just didn't know how exactly, still don't but I'm going to try...
Todd's Aunt lost her battle with cancer and passed away, and there is so much I want to say about her but don't really know where to start or when to end. Aunt Suzanne was such a warm, SWEEThearted soul. She loved the Lord, was so gifted with hospitality, she was kind, caring, genuine, so incredibly sweet. Many of Todd's best memories of childhood, and even his early adult life, include his Aunt Suzanne and her children ~ his cousins Michelle, Scott and Eric. A bunch of his cousins grew up on the same block, and his Aunt Suzanne and her family actually lived with Todd's family for a time while they were building their house. They all became very close and have always had a special relationship. He loved her so much. And I don't know how to describe her in a way that really does justice to her sweet spirit. Once you meet Aunt Suzanne you might as well say goodbye to your first name, because from then on you're new name is "Sweetie." I loved that about her.  We will miss her so badly. I always looked forward to seeing her, it doesn't seem real that she won't be there when the family gets together. I have had the program from her Memorial Service by my computer because it was my visual prod to force me to sit down and write about this, but I keep putting it off because it's hard. But Todd grabbed at his heart the other day and said "Hon, every time I look at that it kills me" so I knew it was time to put it away in the memory box and get these thoughts down here.
We had the privilege and honor of spending time with her just a few days before she went to heaven, and I will never, ever forget that experience. I don't think words could ever do justice articulating how special that time was with her, it would be like explaining how monumental the birth of a child is. It is felt in your heart and spirit in such a deep way that it's hard to describe. Todd and I went over to Aunt Suzanne's house to say goodbye, Todd's brother Dave and my sis met us there, Todd's Mom had been taking day-long shifts with her for weeks and Todd's sister, Suzanne, was there too. I was glad they could all be there together. We just all circled around her and prayed with her, for her, remembered, laughed, cried. Boy did we cry. Steph and I kind of hung back after a while and let the guys, Suzanne and Mom reminisce and just hold her hand and love on her. She was in a lot of pain but she was so joyful. I know that sounds strange or contrived, but she really was so full of joy and peace. One of the first things she said when we got there was "I can only imagine what it's {heaven} is going to be like..." and we all just started crying those strange tears of joy and sadness. She barely had the energy to lift her hands or open her eyes, but smiled and laughed and told them "gosh you guys were crazy kids, we had so much fun!" and she kept saying "you are my jewels, you are my jewels. Gosh I love you guys so much..." She told us that if she closed her eyes it wasn't because we were boring, that made us smile, of course she'd be worried about our feelings, so Aunt Suzanne. I think one of the most beautiful things to watch was how she would talk to the Lord and then to us. It's like she was halfway between here and heaven. I can't even count how many times she said "Lord, I just love you!" and "You are so good," " I'm so grateful, so grateful..." Dave was teasing her and said "since you're talking to God so much maybe we can get in there and pray too?!" and she whispered, with her eyes playfully cocked to the side "hmm, let me see...yeah, He said it's okay." They told her how much they loved her, they thanked her for the gazillion waffles she cooked for them; Dave said that you can't get much better in a teenaged boy's mind than to offer a 2nd breakfast on the weekends;) What a precious, precious woman! I am crying again just thinking of her and that day we spent with her, I'm so grateful not only for her life, but for being able to witness the way that she died ~ with such incredible peace, with assurance, with joy. Then it was time, we had to say goodbye, which is so surreal ~ saying goodbye to someone for the last time, knowing you won't see them again on this earth. It stings, it hurts, and aches. I know God used this in my life in so many ways, but one of the biggest lessons for me was that if Aunt Suzanne can die with such joy and peace, can't I live with half that much? So we left Aunt Suzanne and Uncle Gary's house and when we got in the car the beautiful song by Phil Wickham "Divine Romance" came up on my CD {thanks Kel}. I just wept and wept, it's such an amazing song and I remember listening to the words thinking "this is our hope, this is what Aunt Suzanne will know when she gets to heaven..."

5 days later, as I was on my way home with the kids from the grocery store, Todd called my cell. I was listening to music in the car as always, but when the phone rang I turned the volume all the way down. Todd told me that he just got word that Aunt Suzanne had just passed away. We talked for only a couple minutes, Todd was emotional and didn't want to say much. I cried too, and a bit later turned my worship CD volume back up and it was that same song again, starting right at the beginning. Listening to the words when you know someone you love is finally embracing the God they loved and served for the first time, literally just minutes before, was such an emotional, intense moment. I imagined her singing this to Jesus and just bawled like a baby.
Her memorial service was a beautiful tribute, her pastor was very true to her wishes and gave an awesome message and really shared the gospel. He has met with Aunt Suzanne for 8 or so years every week at Starbuck's, he knew her well and did a wonderful job sharing about who she was and her faith. I missed the slide show because the twins were a hot mess {and they both decided to poop, such perfect timing. I know funerals are supposed to be cathartic, but come on} but it might have been best, pictures and music really touch me so it may have meant a meltdown for me. But during the part of the service that I was able to listen to, two things were said will stick with me forever. One was that she had a favorite saying at her Women's Bible Study, she would tell the other ladies "let's not talk about people, let's pray for people." Uncle Gary got up and spoke and said that "in the 27 years since she accepted the Lord, she got up every morning and read her Bible and prayed for people. Prayed for the people she loved, and prayed for the people she struggled with." He teased that she prayed for him and his hunting "problem" and that she had the most forgiving heart of anyone he had ever known. He said that after she passed, he gave her Bible to Michelle {Aunt Suzanne's only daughter} and that as they were looking through it, they found a little note she'd hand written, dated just 3 days after her cancer diagnosis, it said "never seek justice in the life, but never cease to give it." And I know Aunt Suzanne would hate having all of us compliment her and talk about her, that's just how she was. She never saw herself the way the rest of us did, I don't think she knew how special she was. So we loaded the boys up after the service, we were going to grab Ella from school early and head to Aunt Suzanne and Uncle Gary's house on the lake for the family reception and that song was on again. So now "Divine Romance" is Aunt Suzanne's song to me. She was only 63, which seems to young to die, especially with a ton of grandbabies to love on. But I know she'll be loving on all of her "Sweeties" in heaven someday, and it will seem like not a moment has passed...

We have a bunch of pictures of Aunt Suzanne, but this is one of my favorites of her holding Ella. 

Todd's aunts and Mom: Aunt Suzanne, his Mom Maryanne, Aunt Roseanne, Aunt Julieanne