Something almost happened last night, something really, really bad. But it didn't and I just wanted to write this for 2 reasons - #1: because I want to say thank you God for your protection! and #2: because I don't want this to almost happen to someone else. Sorry if I ramble, I'm sorta using my laptop as free cyber-therapy.

We finally had some sunshine yesterday, hooray! I could leave the windows open again all day, I love getting the fresh air in the house and I'm a bit infamous for doing that even in the dead of winter. I hate when the house gets stale, plus the fresh air is bad for germies, good for us. So Todd made it home, had his usual snacking session, then went upstairs to change out of his slacks. Ella and Dawson followed him up, he's somewhat of a celebrity around here. He was in the master bathroom changing and came out to see Ella sitting on our windowsill, the window wide open. This doesn't mean much to those of you who haven't been in our bedroom, those of you that have probably have your hand over your mouth thinking "oh my gosh..." Our bedroom is on the second floor, over-looking our cement patio - it was just the screen between Ella and the ground. Todd grabbed her, and gave her a lecture. He was really calm though, he knew she didn't understand what could've happened. He put his hand on the screen and showed her how easily it pops out, just with the pressure of his fingers. She wasn't being precocious, she wasn't doing something she'd been told not to, she wasn't being naughty. She was being Ella, just thought she'd hop up there and soak up some rays. As I'm writing this I'm crying, again. I don't even want to think about what could've been, unfortunately that's exactly what my brain keeps doing. I thought that I'd thought of everything - we have a security system, we have window alarms on the main floor and basement, we have fire escape ladders and fire extinguishers, we even have locks on the big window upstairs in the twins' room. That window is huge, on the second floor, low to the ground and in a room where the kids play, no-brainer that it needs a lock. But, I never, NEVER thought about our room. Our window is up higher and well, it's our room, not like the kids don't go in there but they certainly don't play in there a lot either. So, she was not only sitting on the windowsill, but because it's so high compared to her, she clearly had to really wriggle and struggle and hoist herself up there, meaning that she could've easily lost her balance and... again, I don't even want to think about it.

So Todd's lecture went something like this, you know, what normal parents would say "Ella Honey, that is so, SOOO dangerous. Please don't ever do that again, you could really hurt yourself." After I calmed down (who am I kidding, my stomach is still in knots a day later) I talked to her too. We were outside at this point, I was on the blanket watching the babies and looking up at that window, just horrified, literally all the blood draining from my face again. Ella came and sat with me and I said "Sweetie, I know Dad already talked to you, and you didn't do anything wrong on purpose, but do you know how dangerous that was? Look at how high up our window is, and look at the hard pavers down here, this is where you would've fallen." She's looking at me and listening, she asks "would it've hurt?" "It would've hurt really, really bad or...or you could've died Ella." Yep, I said it, and you know what, I'm glad I did. You may think I'm a terrible Mom, but I know my daughter and she needs the blunt version. Nothing scares this kid and sometimes things are scary. She looked at me, not at all shocked, and said "it's okay Mom, I woulda gone to heaven and I've been wantin' to see those streets o'gold." See what I mean, she needs the blunt version. Even my morbid explanation didn't phase her.

So....those window guards that I've been wanting to get since Ella was a toddler are getting ordered and up, like now. They are called "Guardian Angels" which is fitting. Times like this remind me of God's protection, of His total control over my kids' lives. As a Mom I like to think I am protecting them, and to some extent I am. God entrusted them to us and we have a responsibility to do right by them. But God had his angels around her, His watchful eye on her. The bible says that God numbers our days, He knew the story of our life before the beginning of time. Nothing can add a day, and thank God, nothing can take one away (short of us exercising our free will and doing something really stupid). I'm one of the most paranoid, Type A, neurotic Moms I know, but I still can't be everywhere all the time. I have to trust that the Lord loves my children more than I do, and that He is in control.

So when I finally went to bed last night, after a long evening of finding myself glazed over, daydreaming about what could've been, I put my head on my pillow and looked at that window. I ran to the bathroom, I could feel that I was going to get sick. Being still left no distractions for my mind, every time I closed my eyes I could see her fall. I am still trying to get this out of my head, but I want it to serve a purpose too. It shows me that I can trust the Lord, it also shows me that life can change in an instant and that tragic things happen, and it reminds me to enjoy and treasure my family. So needless to say, Ella's dimples look a little deeper today, her smile even cuter than usual (if that's possible), her blue eyes a little more sparkly. And all I can say is thank you Jesus for watching over my girl. I have a feeling her job on earth isn't quite done yet...

"For He will command His angels concerning you, to guard you in all your ways." Ps. 91:11

"When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." Ps. 139:16